The Lord is gracious!! But today I had a meltdown. I blame Francine Rivers. I read her book Her Daughter’s Dream and finished it last night at 12:30. Much too late for this mom of 4. When 6:30 came this morning with Eric running into my bedroom saying, “Hallo Momma,” and crawling up into my bed, I was not ready to get up. Because I stayed up too late and got up too early, I neglected my time with God. Frustrating to say the least, but one of the problems I have. I love reading His word, but with toddlers that time is very short if at all. I also have priorities which are screwed up so in the afternoon, when I should be sitting and reading the Bible, I’m doing other things like laundry (which, as I write, still has to be folded, UGH!) Back to the reason for my meltdown.
Today I didn’t have to run (I’m training for a 1/2 marathon) so we didn’t have to go somewhere to let me run and the children drive each other crazy. But we did have to do grocery shopping and stop at the BX (base exchange) for something though I forgot what that was and so it was somewhat of a wasted trip. We came home and I just felt off. I feel lonely. I think it’s a symptom of living here. We’re very isolated and it stinks. I am so desirous of going to Starbucks with a friend. The children were demanding so much of me and I was tired of it. Douglas was on Skype and we had a frustrating conversation on our “farm” internet. We weren’t arguing, it just was hard to talk because the internet stinks here. Half the time I can’t hear him. Then because of my lonliness, I called my mom, whom I call everyday either on Skype or on the phone, and complained and whined to her. It was just what I needed to laugh a little at my children as I told her stories. To realize that my time as a mother of toddlers is coming to a close. What a blessing and hardship these years have been. I’m looking forward to the next stage as Brennig turns 10 next month and he is officially able to stay by himself for an hour or so. I’m ready for the next stage. Eric’s potty training is not going well, but whatever.
It’s 10:17 p.m. and I need to go to bed. I started a project. Working on my recipe book that’s on my computer. It’s not organized by categories and so I’ve decided to do that. After I’m done that, I will take all my Southern Living Magazines and Quick Cooking/Taste of Home Mags and put the recipes in my Recipe Book on my computer so that I can throw away the magazines and make things a little more simple.
So I’m sitting here in my living room with the TV on watching BBC’s History of the Home (Literally the history of houses and why the rooms are the way they are inside a house). Nos Da/Bon Nuit/Gute Nacht. Must go to bed.